Fatigue and Creativity

I know we are smart people and I know we didn’t realistically expect that the end of 2020 would end all the issues we saw in 2020, but I still desperately thought it could be different. Some would call this stupid optimism.

It feels like there is no end in sight and we are still very tired. Fatigued. Does that sound like you? Despite feeling so weary with the world I have started doing some activities that help.

• In the last few months of 2020 I started lifting heavy weights twice a week. It makes me feel good and happy and bad ass. I highly recommend feeling bad ass.
• Got my road bike fixed and have ridden it twice in the last week (and will continue if I don’t lose my mojo). I’m still slow, but I love the social part, riding with women and sometimes having a coffee at the end.
• A friend gave me a voucher for Christmas after lecturing me on self-care. You know who you are ;) I used it during the Christmas break and have had a couple of massages since. I can attest that a massage on a Sunday afternoon is a good thing.
• Focusing on things that I can develop and be creative with, and have a voice. Cue the creation of my podcast A Dog Called Diversity. It’s been a great outlet and I have been introduced to the most wonderful people with great stories. Connecting with new people and learning is good for the soul. The episode with Nancy Kwon is a good laugh!
• I’m trying to get out and see more of Singapore. Despite living here for 6 years I had never really been to Chinatown during the Chinese New Year celebrations. This week I took a leave day and took off to take some photos. I’m loving that dragon in the photo.

What have you been doing that helps with Covid-19 fatigue? Would love to hear from you. .

Why The Wine O’clock Series?

“I couldn’t possibly do what you do” "What do you mean?" I asked. “I couldn’t speak up and do presentations like you do.” This was a conversation with one of my team members when I asked if she was interested in applying for the job I was vacating. I had accepted new internal role and was looking for my replacement.

“Of course, you could” I said, adding “do you know how I got good at presenting?” “No” she said.

About 5 years ago I decided I wanted to improve my presentation skills. I saw that really good leaders are great presenters. I wanted to be good at preparing my presentation, developing the content and the stories and I wanted to be good at “speaking off the cuff”. It’s a key communication skill. How did I go about this?

I got really curious. I observed how great presenters and speakers did their thing. I asked how they got better at presenting. I read books on how to plan a presentation and the content. I learnt various ways to connect with a variety of people. I watched TED talks and I accepted any opportunity to be part of panel discussions and to speak independently on my own topics. I even contacted conference organises to see what opportunities are available for me to hone my craft.

It’s amazing when to start to put yourself out there, opportunities come to you. To date I have spoken at various human resource conferences, been invited to speak at company women’s development programs and events, run and facilitated leadership and sales development programs and more recently spoke on TV (BBC’s Business News Asia) for International Women’s Day). I have interviewed amazing people on stage and run my own events. Next month I’m moderating a panel for a diversity and inclusion conference for the insurance industry.

None of this happened by accident or by luck. I worked hard. I looked for opportunities. I grew my network and I created my own events, and along the way, learnt a lot.

So what happened when Covid-19 hit? I knew I had to get better at presenting online. Even though I have mainly worked for global companies throughout my career and am comfortable using and speaking to people on skype and teams and zoom, it wasn’t the only way to communicate with people up until recently. I also had to get better at using the technology for presenting online. So I created the Wine O’clock Series.

Every Thursday afternoon at 5.30pm SGT during the Singapore Circuit Breaker period (or lockdown, which honestly, like most people in Singapore, I didn’t think would ever end) I held a webinar on something I hoped would be interesting for people, would relate to what was happening during Covid-19 and would connect to my blog i-develop-me.

Why call it “The Wine O’clock Series”? Each day around 5.30pm after a long day of work, home schooling, constant interruptions from children and pets, worrying that I wouldn’t have a job in the future and the general up and down and grief I think we all experienced and continue to experience, my husband would come to the door of the room I was working in and kindly ask if I would like a cocktail or a wine. We had made it through another day, and we could celebrate. It was wine o’clock. That’s how you stay married right there.

To date I have run 14 The wine O’clock series events on topics including:

• Dealing with job insecurity, using recruitment companies to get a job and changing jobs during lockdown
• Building your community, whether face-to-face or online
• Personal and business branding
• Networking and future work skills, and
• Managing your health, finances and insurance

There were many lovely unintended consequences of running these sessions, beyond just improving my online presentation and facilitation skills.

• I have had the pleasure of working with many different guest speakers, some who built their network and contacts and achieved paid business from the exposure. Cool right?
• Organising a virtual wine tasting (which sold out!) and supporting a local business selling wine. I love wine.
• Getting better at skills for my current role
• Donating $300 to the Singapore Food Bank’s Feed the City Covid-19 relief drive while learning how the Facebook group Singapore Restaurant Rescue set about saving Singapore’s restaurants.
• Having the opportunity to co-create and co-run the digital conference Face Forward over 3 days to support women to emerge from Covid-19 and showcase some of the amazing female business owners in Singapore. I still can’t quite believe we organised and delivered a top-notch conference that people were willing to pay for, without any face-to-face contact.
• Learning to use Zoom, Eventbrite, Mailchimp and Canva.
• Have a purpose and a goal each week to run something and create a small community. Many people told me they met new people through the Wine O’clock Series.
• And finally, have something I could control and look forward to each week, when everything else felt like it was out of my control.

2020 will go down as one of the shitest years for a long time but at least I can look back and say I achieved something apart from learning how to make fresh pasta.

We may or may not see the same level of face-to-face events and conferences return and I think we will continue to use online mediums in a way we never did before. My experience developing and delivering The Wine O'clock Series has given me the skills, experience and confidence to keep moving forward.

3 Takeaways from Best Personal Branding - The Wine O’clock Series

About eight years ago when I didn't have a job, I headed off to my favourite hairdresser Stevie English and had my hair fully pinked! I was sick of playing it safe and hadn't really thought about the fact that a) I might be going to job interviews in the near future, and b) Whether my prospective employers would have an issue with pink hair.

I applied for a job online on a whim. Not because it looked interesting (because it didn't) but because I fit the exact criteria they were looking for. They wanted someone who had worked for an American distriution company, in an industrial market with APAC experience. The recruitment company called me within 20 minutes of applying and in no time I had an interview booked.

Cue me talking to my sister who was freaking out about me having pink hair and going to an interview. "What are you going to do?" she gasped! "I'm going to the interview and if they have an issue with my hair I don't want the job!" I said. Because at that point I didn't want the job. At the time I was a bit over American distribution companies in industrial markets.

Anyhoo, after various interviews on skype and in person, as well as a follow up meeting with the main leader I would be working with, I accepted the job. It actually turned out to be one of the best jobs in my career. I learnt heaps, met some fantastic leaders who I learnt a lot from and am still in contact with, and felt like I contributed and made a difference. And they dealt with my hair which I continued to dye pink.

A month or so after starting that job the leader I worked with said I was one of the only people he had worked with, who was the same person at interview, as on the job. That kinda freaked me out! What are people doing at interview? Or at work? Are they pretending to be someone else? Are they frustrated actors? Far out.

Hands up who enjoyed this week's Wine O'clock series on personal branding? Me! Even though I think about this topic a fair bit I still learnt lots. For me personal branding is about knowing who you are, how you want to portray yourself and how this supports what you do in life. Then it's being consistent but also flexible with your style across different situations and social media platforms. You know like turning out to be the same person in an interview, as on the job.

Emily Draycott-Jones joined me in an engaging conversation, and here is my wrap-up:

1. Your personal brand is what people say about you when you leave the room

So how can you work out what people say about you? You ask! Scary right? But ask some people you trust to be honest and helpful. And ask some people who may have been critical of you in the past. Be curious. Ask questions. Listen. Don't be defensive. Take notes.

I once got some feedback that a Senior Leader always knew "HR" was in the room when I was there. Unfortunately he lacked the courage to tell me directly, and another leader had to tell me, but I did take that feedback on board and endeavoured to be more involved in business discussions and decisions because I wanted my brand to be about being commercial and pragmatic.

2. First impressions count

Usually this refers to meeting people in person. Will we ever meet people in person again?? But personal branding has become much more important in the land of the internet and Zoom calls. Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, Twitter and your own website (plus a whole lot of other platforms I know nothing about), are ways to represent your personal brand online.

Think about how the Khardashians use Instagram (go on. Have a look!). Think about how Trump users Twitter (ok I know you don't want to!). Think about how some people you follow use Facebook to build their community and support their brand. More than ever it's important to think about how you portray yourself and your brand on these platforms.

In general terms it's important to think about your photos (get some professional ones), background images and banners (there are lots of sites where you can download free images) and the words you use. These need to represent what you are about (see having an authenic story below).

On the Wine O'clock series we talked about what content we put on each platform and that while this needs to be consistent with your personal brand, you may want to consider what you put on Facebook versus what you put on LinkedIn. Photos of boozey nights out with your friends are fine on Facebook, but perhaps not aligned with the more professional brand you want to represent on LinkedIn.

3. Have an authentic story

One of my favourite parts of The Wine O'clock series was the part on telling your story or elevator pitch. This is such a useful thing to have sorted. You would use this in many situations like networking events, meeting new people professionally, in your career generally and trying to get that next role.

Emily gave us a simple structure to help us craft our story: Who are you? What do you do? What makes you unique? How do you do it and who does it affect? I love these Santa Claus examples she provided:

Santa Claus is the CEO of a non-profit organisation that gives gifts to children globally. With decades of experience in supply chain management and manufacturing, Claus has helped turn Christmas into the modern celebration that it is today.

Or

Santa Claus is the jolly grandfatherly figure behind the single biggest gift-giving operation in the world. Known for his spectacular flying reindeer and wacky chimney delivery system, Claus has become a loved cultural icon who has turned Christmas into the modern celebration that it is today

I would love to hear about one or two things you took away from the Wine O'clock Series on best personal branding. Hit me up!

Lisa xx

Job Insecurity - The Wine O’clock Wrap Up

Last week I ran the first of a series of free online events with wine. You could either buy some wine from Petersons (a small business in Singapore I have chosen to support) or BYO wine. 14 people joined and it was fantastic to see everyone’s faces on Zoom with their wine and beer glasses in hand.

The session covered how we can think about change and some things we could think about, if we are worried about losing our job, how to plan to lose your job (yes not a great thing to think about but better to be prepared) and what you can do if you lose your job. I’m going to use a personal story to illustrate how things can go well, or not so well as the case may be….

Back at the start of 2016 (which could have been a great year, just like 2020 could have been a great year) I was offered a promotion and moved to the UK to accept it. I packed up my very happy life in beautiful Singapore and put it into a 40ft container and sent it across the seas. My two boys aged 8 and 5 at the time and my husband hopped on a plane soon after. And my parents moved from Australia a month later to join us and help look after the kids so Arran and I could work. We found a beautiful house in Harrogate to live in and the most lovely school for Aiden and Charlie to go to (which reminded all of us of Hogwarts).

Two months into our new adventure and as we hung the last picture up in our beautiful house, I was told that my company no longer needed my job…..sigh.

Let’s talk about change and choice. Stephen Covey has a great model to think about change. He talks about the circle of concern and the circle of influence and that proactive people spend most of their time in the circle of influence. During “Wine O’clock” we talked about how easy it is to get caught up in the circle of concern (or maybe it should be called the circle of worry).

Lying awake at 3am worrying about CoVid-19 and whether you will continue to have an income helps no one. I know this because back in 2016 I lay awake a lot. I worried about what we were going to do next as a family. I worried about negotiating my severance package. I worried about whether we could stay in the UK….you get the picture. None of this stuff helped.

As soon as I moved into the “circle of influence” and “circle of control” things got better (well mostly). I did things like:

• engage an employment lawyer to represent me (who was actually hopeless at negotiating anything but that’s another story….)
• researched UK work permits (we were basically stuffed and couldn’t work in the UK at least for 2 years), and
• started applying for jobs and working out where we could to move to.

Preventing losing your job may or may not be possible but you can get ahead of things. Every time in my human resources career when I have been involved in making roles redundant it was very clear that things in the business and the economy were not going well. Don’t be in a bubble people! If there is a global financial crisis or a pandemic (as the case may be) it is going to affect most businesses. Yes there are some businesses who do better during these times, but it’s not hard to work out if it’s going to affect the business you own or work in. Generally you should try to keep tabs on how your business makes money and what makes them successful and how they are tracking. Listed companies need to post their results online and most good businesses will regularly give update to their employees on how they are going.

So, get busy thinking about how your business is doing whether your job at risk. Generally organisations have a duty to consult with employees if they are going to make job cuts. You can flip this by thinking about what you could do to either cost your employer less money for a period OR things you could do in your business to improve revenue and/or profits to help the business stay viable.

Some ways you could save your business money include (which squarely put you in the circle of influence):

• Taking reduced benefits or paying for part or all of benefits yourself. You could think about insurances or allowances you may be receiving
• Could you work less days? Could you work a 9 day fortnight or a 4 day week reducing your salary costs by approximately 10% or 20% respectively
• Could you take a pay cut for a period?
• Could you take some holiday/annual leave? This reduces the accrual organisations need to maintain on their balance sheet. Could you take some leave without pay?
• Could you work on a contract on a needs basis?

Work out some options that make sense for you and go have a conversation with your manager. What’s the worst that could happen?

On tough days at work I often fantasise about not working and lying by the pool with a cocktail. The reality of losing your job is very different. Yes this is kinda morbid exercise but is hugely helpful because:

• It’s best to have a plan in case the worst happens.
• It helps stop the 3am worrying about stuff you have no influence or control over, and
• It’s easier to work stuff while you have a job.

I did a bad job of this when I moved to the UK despite knowing the business was under stress and being involved in many cost cutting activities. Don’t be like me.

So how do you plan to lose your job?

Start with what your company owes you in terms of notice and severance. Notice is the period of time the company needs to give you until your job ends or is the equivalent amount of money for the same period. This should be in your employment contract.

Severance is money that the company may pay you as compensation for losing your job. Depending on where (Country or jurisdiction) and who you work for (small or large business), you may be paid something or nothing. Sometimes this information is in your employment contract but more often it’s found in government legislation or company policy. You may need to do some hunting to find this or ask some questions. It’s important to know your legal rights. When you know your notice and severance payment you can work out an immediate financial position.

Then, will your company offer any outplacement (support to help you find another job) or an employee assistance program (which can help with the psychological shock and sometimes financial planning services). Generally only larger organisations can afford to provide this assistance to employees losing their job.

Think about if you have the right to stay in your country, if you lose your job. So this applies to expats. If you are an Australian working in Australia, or an American working in America you are fine. If you are an expat working in a country where you require some sort of company sponsorship or work permit you need to consider what happens if you lose your job. Will you have to leave the country? And in what time period? Are there different ways you could stay in the country if you lost your job? For example in Singapore, if you are on an employment pass, you could consider applying for a personalised employment pass which gives you a longer period to be unemployed and stay.

You can also think about negotiating a period of gardening leave where you are technically still an employee, but you don’t work, so your work permit would not be cancelled for a period. This was something I was able to do in the UK so my family and I could stay and the kids could finish a term of school.

Then what?

Document all your outgoing costs. What could you do without? What could you cut? What could you delay paying? Then look at your savings or investments plus your notice and severance payments. What is your financial position? How long can your survive knowing all this? Then think, what changes do you need to make? Do you need to find somewhere cheaper to live? Do you need a flat mate? Do you need to sell anything (like a car)? All of these things are under your control to manage. What can you put in place now in readiness and what conversations do you need to have with others in your family?

Finally, start building your networks. I am often asked to meet people who are worried about losing their job, or have lost their job and have worked at their company for many years and have a limited network that could assist with securing a new role. It's best to be nurturing your networks before you need them. You might like this post on networking to get a job.

You could lie on the floor or lock yourself in the bathroom and cry for days (which is therapeutic and probably worthwhile for a short period) but at some point its best to get into the circle of influence and control.

So what can you do?

Start with your termination payment. Do you have any leverage to negotiate this? Could you ask to be paid over a number of months (at full or half pay) instead of a lump sum? This may help you manage your finances while unemployed. What is the tax payable? Is your termination payment liable for tax?

How will you invest in your future? At the moment there are many fee and reduced fee online courses. What of these could help future proof your career? What could you learn that would make you more employable?

Update your resume and LinkedIn profile and reach out to your network with your “story”.

Can you get your side hustle happening? When I was in the UK unemployed for 4 months I got my website I-develop-me up and running and wrote three chapters of a book!

Protect your mental health and do some fun things every day.

What else would you do?

The Wine O’clock Series - Dealing with Job Insecurity

I was pretty excited about the potential for 2020. It seemed like a good number for a year to have. 2020. I have a new job in an area I am passionate about and where I thought I could make a difference. And things were coming together at my company which were very positive. There was great energy in moving the company forward.

I remember back in the year 2000 wondering what 2020 would hold? I couldn’t imagine where I would be or what I would be doing at age (cough) 47. I’m pretty sure I would not have imagined living in Singapore during a world-wide pandemic where we had to stay home to work while supervising my 11-year-old son grade 5 math’s! I didn’t enjoy grade 5 math’s the first time around and I can tell you I’m definatley not enjoying it the second time!

In talking to my network this has created lots of uncertainty and people are scared and have many important questions like:

• Will I lose my job?
• Why is there no chocolate in the fridge?
• Where is my next roll of toilet paper coming from?
• Will my children survive home learning? And what are Singapore prisons like?
• Why is there no chocolate in the fridge?
• Is a zombie apocalypse coming?
• Should I do more online fashion shopping or save money for food for my family?
• Why is there no chocolate in the fridge?
• Is there a time in the future when I’ll have to do my hair again?

ALL the important questions…..

But seriously, I feel like the world is never going to be predictable or certain again but maybe it never was? Just in my working life there have been numerous times of world instability including the Global Financial Crisis, 9/11, the oil crisis in 2014 and the current pandemic and oil price war. While I truly believe most of us will come through the current situation ok, it can be very unsettling.

One of the great things to come out of the current situation include getting back to the simple things in life, like:

• Making my own pasta. Yes this recently involved the procurement of a relatively expensive pasta machine that connects to our beautiful Kitchen maid mixmaster thingy. Arran also bought a tortilla press. Because everyone needs fresh tortillas in lock down. Don’t they?
• Playing board games. Actually I hate board games. Well games of any sort. I only like Pub trivia because well there are other people and beer and wine. I don’t care about the competition. During one of the last days before lockdown in Singapore we bought the Fortnight version of Monopoly. Don’t even! It's fun playing with the boys though.
• Reading real books and staying off social media. Can you read my post about that here.
• Going for walks to the dog park. There are dogs and people and grass and nature and stuff
• Doing “Wine O’clock” with some fantastic work colleagues and friends. We get on a video webinar and just catch up at the end of the week. It’s great. Really great.

So that’s what I’m starting for a wider group of people. A set of webinars at Wine O’clock (later in the afternoon) where we can share a glass of wine or two and learn some interesting stuff to help you in your career and in your life.

The first one is about session is about job insecurity which is free to attend. We’ll cover dealing with change (and man when was the last time you had to deal with so much change), some things you can do to either halt or delay potentially losing your job, how to plan to lose your job (yep a depressing thought but it’s helpful to have a plan) and what to do if you lose your job. See! You might need some wine to think about all this!

And for our Singapore community we have got you the best deal from Australia’s Petersons Wines for this week’s Wine O’clock. Two discounted wine packs to choose from, delivered straight to your door in readiness for Wine O'clock! Pretty cool hey?

Register to attend and buy wine here.

6 Things to Stop Going Mental

I think it would be fair to say that it feels like the world has gone a little mad over the past week or so. The World Health Organization declared Coronavirus disease (COVID-19) outbreak a pandemic and governments and organizations including Worley have been responding accordingly.

Back in February Singapore felt a little crazy when the government raised their Disease Outbreak Response System Condition (DORSCON) to orange. At the time we had the highest number of cases outside mainland China. Singapore residents responded by panic buying hand sanitizer, soap, basic foods like rice and noodles and toilet paper. After three days the government told everyone to calm down because there plenty of everything for everyone, and the good thing about Singapore is everyone listened and calmed down. So much to love about the little red dot!

Singapore residents like me have been watching in fascination from the sidelines as other parts of the world have progressively gone through the same panic buying process with a “been there done that” kind of mentality, though the panic and anxiety levels are rising as the numbers of people infected and dying from COVID-19 rises. Talking to others it seems like many of us are feeling the same. While the COVID-19 virus has been a problem in China since early January it’s only in the last couple of weeks that many people, including me, have been feeling tired, anxious and upset with the potential knock-on effects.

So while I am washing my hands more frequently and carrying hand sanitizer wherever I go, late last week I made some decisions to preserve and manage my mental health. Here are some things I have found helped.

1. I have backed off social media

While generally social media is great for helping us feel connected and keeping up to date with friends and family, I have realized that currently nearly every post on Facebook and LinkedIn is about COVID-19. While there are some funny memes going around many of the posts are driven by people feeling anxious and scared, which makes me feel anxious and scared.

Also everyone on social media thinks they are an expert or feel the necessity to express their opinion on everything incuding the current situation.

For my own mental sanity and safety, I have decided to limit my time on social media.

2. I am limiting myself from News sites This is a bit like social media. Nearly every article or news story online or on TV is about COVID-19 and it’s all too much. There are now two places I try to limit myself to. The first are the twice daily whatsapp messages from the Singapore government which simply and clearly state what’s going on, and any changes to government decisions about travel restrictions and so on. The other site I visit and which I (probably insensitively) call the Coronavirus leaderboard which provides a visual update of how each Country is tracking.

3. I am keeping my exercise up

Since the start of the year I have been training to do a big triathlon in Vietnam. It would be the longest I have ever done and it’s a massive personal goal for me. Because I’m not athletic at all, the swimming, running and cycling training is tough.

Last week (during the height of me feeling that the world is going to end) I just felt like I couldn’t do the training anymore. It was all too hard. I gave up and missed four training sessions. I gave up because I wasn’t feeling great with all the worry about COVID-19. I gave up because even though my race hasn’t been cancelled yet, it will be. I gave up because I was at the point of hating running training. I gave up because I felt relieved to not have to do the race. And I gave up and let go of all the pressure I had been putting on myself.

But then what happened? I realized that my back was hurting from doing no exercise. I realized that I missed the good feeling you get from being outside in the warmth and the sunshine and moving your body. And I missed the social aspect of exercise (even though we are supposed to be practicing social distancing).

So Monday I got out of bed and went for a bike ride with my husband Arran. Today I got out of bed and went to a swim squad session. And my head and my anxiety about what’s happening in the world is not as bad.

4. I am reading real books

What are real books you say?

I used to read books on my iPad but then got myself into a habit of hopping into bed at night and ending up down a YouTube rabbit hole watching senseless videos that have no educational or even good entertainment value. We all know that blue light produced by iPads and other devices can cause eye damage and reduces our chances of sleeping but despite this I would sometimes spend far too much time consuming mindless content.

The stupid thing about this is I love reading, and growing up I would always read a book before bed. So enough with the iPad. I’m not even reading books on my iPad. I’ve gone old school and am reading two real books at the moment. There is something quite calming, satisfying and nostalgic about interacting with something that’s not electronic.

The fiction book I'm reading is the latest release from Marian Keyes called Grown Ups. It’s nice to be ensconced in the goings on of an Irish family far removed from my day-to-day life. The non-fiction book is Strive by Dr Adam Fraser. I feel like I really need to read this book at the moment. It’s about how striving towards a goal is important to achieving fulfilment and performance but that it takes struggle. My triathlon training is a BIG struggle.

5. Working out what I can control

I’m sure many of us reading this post have been through downturns in their industries or in the wider economy. I’m sure we all know what this could mean when organizations start to struggle. I’m sure many of us are feeling anxious and scared. The trick is to work out what you have control over and what you don’t. Then you can work out your response to the things you can’t control. Because your response is what you can control. Get it?

So being forced to work from home may be out of your control but how you organize your home workspace, how you have breaks and how your organize the day is in your control.

6. Cuddling up

Social distancing is really important to flatten the curve and is something we should all try to do by staying home as much as possible. Many of us stay at home with other people – kids, husbands, wives, grandparents, flat-mates, visitors and also pets. It’s likely that if someone gets the virus in your household many others in the same household also will.

When my kids were little and at childcare 5 days a week Arran and I would get every bug they bought home with them and usually 5 times worse. I suspect COVID-19 will be no different. So while we are being encouraged to not shake hands or hug people out in public (apparently elbow touching is the go) I’m going to ramp up the cuddling of the people in my house. Husband, kids and pets. According to this article cuddling strengthens immunity so it’s actually protecting us!

Would love to hear about the things you are doing differently to protect your mental health.

A funny little thing called inclusion

When I first started out in my HR career the “big deal” at the time was culture fit. Did people fit the culture. Would they fit in? Or not?

Of course you first had to define the culture which in itself was a tricky thing because many parts of an organisational culture are not tangible and often hard to explain. I still talk about one job that I left after 12 months, despite knowing I didn’t “fit” from day one. I still find it very hard to explain why I didn’t fit that culture even with some distance and maturity.

Most of the places I have worked are industrial male dominated businesses. To fit the “culture” being male or a particularly resilient female was usually the way to fit in. For me I found being pragmatic, no bullshit and being able to do lots of things with basically no budget, usually worked.

But for many years I don’t think the HR profession acknowledged the problem with finding people who fit the culture and doing things that reinforced the culture. You basically end up with the same people with the same backgrounds who think the same way about things. Which is a bit of a disaster if you think about it. You end up with the same business and same results. Or at times declining results because you can’t change as the market changes.

Today we talk more about diversity and inclusion. For me inclusion is the opposite of the “in” group at school. The group that were cool and hip. The group that defined who was “in” and who was “out”. The “in” group was a small select bunch who led the trends. The out group was generally everyone else trying to fit in and find their way. The thing is, if you are “in” the in group everything is great. You feel warm and welcome and accepted. If you are in the out group you may feel resentful, upset, unwelcome and distrusted. In my experience the school yard is not much better than some organisations.

Inclusion is much harder than cultural fit. To get cultural fit you effectively design what you want the in crowd to be. You define behaviours and what you want the organisation to look like, and then you hold each person up to this and assess if they fit or not. It’s often working out who you like and who are like you. You end up with people with similar experiences and backgrounds.

One place I worked I was proud to be part of the leadership team. There were seven members of the team including the CEO. It was a place big on culture fit but they had an in group and an out group in the leadership team. A number of the leadership team had worked together a long time and had become friends. They would go away for weekends together and invite other people in the organisation who also worked with them a long time and who had become friends. The balance of the leadership team hadn’t worked together a long time and hadn’t become friends. They were not included. It wasn't an effective team.

Another leader I worked with liked going out to grab a takeaway coffee each day and inviting one or two members of the leadership team to walk with him to grab one too. It was a small but powerful moment of the day. Sometimes the walking and the talking was easy personal or fun getting-to-know-you stuff. Other days I was able to use the walk with the leader to reflect on what was happening in the business or provide some feedback on his leadership style.

After a number of weeks I noticed he didn’t invite a particular member of the team. I called him on it and the leader responded with “Oh I asked him once and he said he didn’t like coffee”. Another day I pushed him and pointed out he was being excluded. The leaders behaviour didn’t change. Eventually the excluded coffee walk team member left the business.

I think we all know what it feels like to be excluded. To wonder what we did wrong. To wonder why someone doesn’t like us. To wonder why we were not good enough.How do we help our organisations to be inclusive when we have world leaders wanting to spend money on walls to keep certain people out? How can we show people that small moments of kindness are important when we are still experiencing wars over religion and beliefs?

Do we need to go back to the school yard? Do we need to have a bench so that if you don’t have a friend at work you go to a place and someone notices you and comes and takes you for a coffee?

I have a new role that I’m pretty excited about. Part of this role is to define inclusion for the organisation I work for and what leadership behaviours will drive and support inclusion. As I start to read more and speak to more people I can see that inclusion comes down to small (but large) human moments and being aware enough to notice these.

Do we notice the person who walks out of the office at 3pm to walk around the block and clear their head because their workload is insane, and they look like they may crack? Are we patient with the most “glass- half-empty” person we have every met in the office? How often do we take the time to understand someone’s perspective before we tell them ours? How often do we ask someone how they are, and keep asking more questions to really understand their headspace? Without dismissing them when they say they are good? Do we notice the person in the meeting who has spoken or contributed? Do we ask them their view?

For me this is the crux of inclusion. Yes organisations need to have policies and structures that support inclusive behaviours but it’s the small everyday acts that happen one at a time, that make the difference.

Hell yes? Or shit no?

A few weeks ago Arran and I traveled to Bintan, Indonesia, an hour’s Ferry trip from Singapore, to compete in Tour de Bintan. I use the word “compete” loosely . Very loosely. Tour de Bintan is like Tour de France in that it’s a cycling event but perhaps less glamourous (not as much French accents, beautiful scenery and cheese and wine for my liking), much shorter (it’s not a grand tour) however it is professionally run and a qualifying event for the UCI World Championships (for those who are actually good at cycling).

I was going in part to support Arran with some of his business and job interests and because it was a goal in my training diary. Last year I participated and my goal was to complete the 55k event, which at the time was a big goal. I don’t think I had cycled that far to date and the course is very hilly, in comparison to flat Singapore where I had been training for less than 3 months.

Last year my goal was to finish the full 55km without getting heat stroke and ending up in hospital! Pretty inspiring hey? (smacks myself in the forehead). Reaching for the stars right there. For 2019 my goal, without thinking about it too much, was to beat my last year’s time. I never even thought about heat stroke! Look at that progress hey? Anyway I beat my time by over 10 mins with more hills than last year and at a faster average speed. Was pretty pleased with myself except for the bit where I hadn’t been able to train for the week after, and had to spend close to $200 on a physio for my sore knee. Details, details.

Anyway this was not the point of this post. The point of the post is that we travelled to Bintan without the kids which was pretty nice. This meant that on the Saturday while Arran was competing (and he actually was because he is a good cyclist) I had some time to myself. My coach had set me an hour ride to “blow out the cobwebs” on Saturday before the big event on Sunday. Yes I have a long suffering coach who perhaps doesn’t appreciate my lack of athleticism, but does appreciate my sense of humour! Apart from that I had planned a facial, a massage and some reflection time.

It would be fair to say that I haven’t completely found my career groove back in Singapore. I love being back in the Country. I love the weather and the opportunities for my kids and Arran and I, but career wise it has been a struggle. I have worked hard and been given some great opportunities which I am very grateful for, but they haven’t been a perfect fit. Being alone in Bintan was an opportunity to reflect on what would make my heart sing. I created a mind map, wrote some statements and some actions to work on over the coming weeks.

This felt like a really important thing to do as I’m going on a Knowledge and Study tour with Business Chicks to LA at the end of April. It was a significant personal financial investment, a time investment away from the family and had to take precious annual leave, which I never seem to have enough of.

The next week I met up with a Singapore friend for some wine. We were both feeling a little the same about work and life and needed to chat. Part of the chat was that she wanted me to help her run an event with her. I love running events. I must have been an event planner in a former life. I love thinking about the experience of the participants, what will inspire and challenge them, what they will learn, how they will interact with the other participants. I love running leadership training and diversity events and helping people to network beyond swapping business cards over beer and wine. Finally I love helping women being better and stronger and tell their story.

For International Women’s Day this year I was given the opportunity to interview two amazing women athletes, an Olympic mountain-biker and an ultra-long distance runner, for International Cycling Executives in Singapore. I loved helping them tell their stories. And it wasn’t just on the night. I loved thinking about how their stories related to the themes of International Womens Day, and which parts of their stories the audience would resonate and connect with and how to best organize the questions to pull everything together. I try to spend at least a couple of hours with the interviewees to ask lots of questions and really understand them. I love putting together “curated” conversations.

My friend wanted me to run an event with her, because she knows I love running events. She is truly passionate about her cause and had a compelling reason as to why I should be involved. But over the next few days I remembered back to the last Business Chicks event I attending in Fiji, where one of my favorite speakers Layne Beachley talked about that when opportunities come to you, what is your first reaction? Is it “hell yes” or “shit no”. I’m just going to take a little side bar that I got to swim with Layne (7 times world surfing champion) in the bay of the Marriot resort in Momi Bay in Fiji. Was one of the coolest unexpected experiences.

I loved my friends enthusiasm and wanted to collaborate with her, when I thought about the things that make my heart sing and how little time I have to do the things I love, unfortunately because my reaction wasn’t “hell yes” at first and wasn’t “hell yes” on reflection, I had to say no.

I have used “hell yes” or “shit no” when coaching leaders and it’s great because it helps guide conversations to make good decisions. A recent session was with someone trying to make a decision about a new role and whether the leader should accept it. She told me she was interested in the role, but the money on offer was a lot less than her recent corporate job paid. My first question to her was what was her first reaction when offered the role? It wasn’t one or the other! She wanted the opportunity to do something different from what she had been doing for many years. She wanted the General Management opportunity on offer and the different experiences it would give her. But the money was rubbish. Really rubbish and I never encourage women to accept less money than they are worth. I’m usually helping them to negotiate up (gender pay gap and all).

We were able to establish that the opportunity was a good one and she wanted to accept, so we focused our discussion on what she could negotiate on that would give the company what they wanted and needed and what could work for the leader. We talked about timelines and non-negotiables and she was able to have a good conversation with her future employer and accepted the role. She may not do this role long term but at least now she is clear on what she wants to learn, why she accepted the role and where her career is headed.

I love “hell yes” and “shit no”, not just because it focuses you on what’s really important and captures your first instincts about an opportunity, but because it allows discussion of options and helps you work through decisions that may not be black and white.