When I first started out in my HR career the “big deal” at the time was culture fit. Did people fit the culture. Would they fit in? Or not?

Of course you first had to define the culture which in itself was a tricky thing because many parts of an organisational culture are not tangible and often hard to explain. I still talk about one job that I left after 12 months, despite knowing I didn’t “fit” from day one. I still find it very hard to explain why I didn’t fit that culture even with some distance and maturity.

Most of the places I have worked are industrial male dominated businesses. To fit the “culture” being male or a particularly resilient female was usually the way to fit in. For me I found being pragmatic, no bullshit and being able to do lots of things with basically no budget, usually worked.

But for many years I don’t think the HR profession acknowledged the problem with finding people who fit the culture and doing things that reinforced the culture. You basically end up with the same people with the same backgrounds who think the same way about things. Which is a bit of a disaster if you think about it. You end up with the same business and same results. Or at times declining results because you can’t change as the market changes.

Today we talk more about diversity and inclusion. For me inclusion is the opposite of the “in” group at school. The group that were cool and hip. The group that defined who was “in” and who was “out”. The “in” group was a small select bunch who led the trends. The out group was generally everyone else trying to fit in and find their way. The thing is, if you are “in” the in group everything is great. You feel warm and welcome and accepted. If you are in the out group you may feel resentful, upset, unwelcome and distrusted. In my experience the school yard is not much better than some organisations.

Inclusion is much harder than cultural fit. To get cultural fit you effectively design what you want the in crowd to be. You define behaviours and what you want the organisation to look like, and then you hold each person up to this and assess if they fit or not. It’s often working out who you like and who are like you. You end up with people with similar experiences and backgrounds.

One place I worked I was proud to be part of the leadership team. There were seven members of the team including the CEO. It was a place big on culture fit but they had an in group and an out group in the leadership team. A number of the leadership team had worked together a long time and had become friends. They would go away for weekends together and invite other people in the organisation who also worked with them a long time and who had become friends. The balance of the leadership team hadn’t worked together a long time and hadn’t become friends. They were not included. It wasn't an effective team.

Another leader I worked with liked going out to grab a takeaway coffee each day and inviting one or two members of the leadership team to walk with him to grab one too. It was a small but powerful moment of the day. Sometimes the walking and the talking was easy personal or fun getting-to-know-you stuff. Other days I was able to use the walk with the leader to reflect on what was happening in the business or provide some feedback on his leadership style.

After a number of weeks I noticed he didn’t invite a particular member of the team. I called him on it and the leader responded with “Oh I asked him once and he said he didn’t like coffee”. Another day I pushed him and pointed out he was being excluded. The leaders behaviour didn’t change. Eventually the excluded coffee walk team member left the business.

I think we all know what it feels like to be excluded. To wonder what we did wrong. To wonder why someone doesn’t like us. To wonder why we were not good enough.How do we help our organisations to be inclusive when we have world leaders wanting to spend money on walls to keep certain people out? How can we show people that small moments of kindness are important when we are still experiencing wars over religion and beliefs?

Do we need to go back to the school yard? Do we need to have a bench so that if you don’t have a friend at work you go to a place and someone notices you and comes and takes you for a coffee?

I have a new role that I’m pretty excited about. Part of this role is to define inclusion for the organisation I work for and what leadership behaviours will drive and support inclusion. As I start to read more and speak to more people I can see that inclusion comes down to small (but large) human moments and being aware enough to notice these.

Do we notice the person who walks out of the office at 3pm to walk around the block and clear their head because their workload is insane, and they look like they may crack? Are we patient with the most “glass- half-empty” person we have every met in the office? How often do we take the time to understand someone’s perspective before we tell them ours? How often do we ask someone how they are, and keep asking more questions to really understand their headspace? Without dismissing them when they say they are good? Do we notice the person in the meeting who has spoken or contributed? Do we ask them their view?

For me this is the crux of inclusion. Yes organisations need to have policies and structures that support inclusive behaviours but it’s the small everyday acts that happen one at a time, that make the difference.